Sunday, April 28, 2013

Double Edged Sword

We are all talented people.
Our talents are both a blessing and a curse.
Double edged swords
sharpened and refined.
Blessing and
curse.

I love being around people,
BUT
I take them home with me.
Not literally, don't be silly
(although... at times I have tried, TRUST me)!

Empathy is a funny talent.
It's really not a skill you can learn.
You are either born with it, or you aren't.
You either watch the fire
OR
you can actually FEEL it burn!

I'm deeply impacted by other people's emotions.
I feel the tightness of their shoes.
I feel his flat feet and her high arches.
When you win, I am surged with adrenaline.
When you fall, my knees are also skinned and bruised.

I'm like a bug attracted to light
when others want to share their plight.
A listening ear, a shoulder to catch a tear.
Giving understanding because I too feel so misunderstood and
I know how to make your life so clear.

You see, I love the fact that I can empathize with people
but I hate the fact I can't pull out my #2, flip it over, and erase all the pain.
I couldn't imagine living in isolation away from the world,
but I also can imagine living life without it:
isolation.

Tug of war.
Push and pull.
Needing to be involved.
Needing to be detached.
Wishing all of my talents could learn
how to interact
with one another.

Intuition.
I have this too.
So strong that at times my intuition is on overdrive in my dreams.
Oblivious to my surroundings by day because I'm so deep in thought.
Processing subconsciously everything my conscious missed at night;
forecasting the future in my sleep while my thoughts are at rest.
Awareness that all is never what it seems.

Intuition is a wonderful thing when you learn to trust your gut.
On the flip side it makes you prone to conspiracy theories and
you can distrust to a point where you get stuck in a negative rut.

I want to help.
I'm skeptical about helping.
Blessing.
Curse.
Tug
of
War.

I'm an idealist to the core.
I always have a hunger for something more.
I believe utopia is in sight.
Then reality takes a nasty bite.
Looking at the world I see how perfect things could be.
I want to teach everyone how to live in harmony.
*insert Coke commercial here*

It makes me want to drop all of my responsibilities.
Nomad. Running loose.
A redhead on the run searching to make this existence a better place for you, for me.
It's not that easy.
Bills to pay.
I'm raising a family.
Why can't I get paid for being a redhead on the run,
making the world a better place?

Push.
Pull.
Non-stop tug of war.
Heart pulls this way.
Logic from my mind pushes me down.

These are the battles that wage in my mind
when I'm daydreaming all of the time.
How can I find that balance?
How can I use this sword so that it cuts away the clutter of every day
and doesn't cut you or cut me?
What we have as we?
Double edged sword.

Unsettled.
On the outside I'm cool, I'm calm,
I'm collected.
Inside, I'm
(deep breath)
unsettled.

Something more.
My life is meant for so much more.
I know it. I feel it.
How do I obtain it?

I guess it starts with me.
I need to figure out how to use this myriad of unique talents
in perfectly synchronized unity.

Until then I play of tug of war.
Push. Pull.
Both blessing and a curse.
Eventually I will win this game we call life
and know what my purpose here is for.