Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Parasites Play Victim the Best

"If you don't like being a doormat then get off the floor." 
Al Anon

I've never done well around people with a victim mentality. I'm sure you all have experience with someone like this in your life:  those individuals who are ALWAYS being taken advantage of!

In a job interview I was asked once, "what is your biggest weakness?" Without hesitation I chimed in with, "I'm impatient." This is very VERY true, and I have zero tolerance for doormats. When I hear the complaints the first time, I'm empathetic. When a pattern is established I am at my limit and always seem to find myself saying, "so do something about it then!"

Over the years I have come to the conclusion that there are some people in this world that get off on being a victim. They love the drama. They love the pity. They have some bizarre symbiotic relationship with this blood sucking person, and they are in denial. These people DRAIN me!!! I wish they would just wake up and realize... Person A (you) needs to be used. Person B (user) needs to use someone. You are perfect for each other so just shut up and quit trying to justify your socially taboo relationship to everyone!

I have been so much happier since I distanced myself from my doormat "friends". It was such a difficult thing to do. I hit a wall where everytime I would talk to these friends I would feel empty inside, like I gave them everything I had in me trying to problem solve their situation with them. In the end, they never did anything to rectify their "problem".

Why? Because there was no problem. I realized that they were so worried about being judged that they acted like there was a problem! They assumed my viewpoint when in reality I was just reacting to how I thought they felt!

I believe wholeheartedly that there are two types of people in this world:  1) people who are victims and 2) people who are owners. Victims and owners don't mesh well together. Owners, by default, will always try to get a victim to own their actions, choices, and results. Sometimes the victim comes around. Often times the victim does not. If the latter is the case, the victim must be cut off before the owner falls prey to a victim's paracite tendencies.

I urge you to assess the relationships in your life. Who you choose to spend your time with should be individuals who contribute positively to your well-being. Stand up for yourself. Be vocal. Set boundaries.

When someone is constantly draining you with the same issues with the same person or situation there is nothing wrong with putting your stake in the ground and saying, "If you don't like being a doormat then get off the floor. If you choose to stay there, I don't want to hear about it anymore because then it's your choice. If you need help getting up because you are ready to put a stop to this, then I'm here. Either way I love you, and I can't do this anymore." It might just be the wakeup call they need...

So, which are you:  victim or owner?

And if you don't know which you are I'm here to tell you that you are a victim.

Now, what are you going to do about it?

"Definition of a victim:  a person to whom life happens." Peter McWilliams